Friday, January 21, 2011

A new year, a new post, a new...outlook

I have to admit that I happily peruse, lurk, read and ponder the musings, posts, and lives of friends and family that take the time to write blogs. Some, I smile at, some, I cry at and others make me evaluate my life and I become introspective. However, I never feel like I am able to share my ideas as well as others do. I hesitate to write all my thoughts, ideas down. Somehow, putting things down on paper is difficult for me. It never seems as eloquent, well thought out as I'd like. Other times, I just feel like I really don't want to burden you all with the inner workings of my mind.

As this new year dawned, I was just grateful for the previous one to be over. It couldn't have been over fast enough for me. Last year was filled with heart wrenching events, family drama and financial tough times. However, we have been watched over, protected and helped along the way, and for all those friends who supported us through out the last year, here is a huge thank you!

Earlier this week, I received a phone call. I hadn't heard from/talked to, conversed with a very dear friend who has helped us all along the way. When we did finally connect, it was to have her tell me that she was battling breast cancer, and it was the day before her first chemo treatment. When I asked her why she hadn't told me earlier, she said she couldn't. I had had such a bad year, she didn't want to add onto my burdens again. As usual, she was thinking about me, and not herself. I love her. My heart is tender-I have to question again just how these horrible things happen to such good people.

I have noticed that I have so much more empathy for those going through trials. I have several friends whose families are breaking apart, husbands that are suffering from various addictions that make it impossible to remain in such toxic environment. I have friends that are dealing with cancer, unemployment, wayward children, children that are struggling through school, moms who are beyond exhausted by trying to keep it all together-in style. I have friends who have also lost loved ones, their children dealing the best they know how (which isn't so great), car accidents, and I guess I could continue, but I wonder what the point would be. These are all trials that I wouldn't want to deal with, and yet they do. I am left wondering how I can be of help to these people.

Instead of pushing last year completely out of my mind, I need to go back and remember how I was helped along the way, even when I was unaware of the help being offered. I need to remember and then act upon promptings so that I may be of help to others. Otherwise, the past year would have been all in vain--and I refuse to go through all of that, to merit nothing in return.

So here is to the new year, a new outlook, and a new embracing of the past. Hopefully it will allow me to move into the future being happy with my life, finding joy in the journey, and rendering aid if needed.